Day in and day out you see the alarming behaviors: the counting and measuring food, the obsessive exercise, the disappearing after meals.  And you worry. Watching your loved one struggle and supporting someone with an eating disorder can feel like such helpless, nerve-wracking, and painful experience.

Whether it’s your sister, son, friend, or mother, it can be scary to watch the eating disorder take hold.  You might even feel like the person you know and love has changed so dramatically that you no longer know who they are.  It can be challenging to know just want to do, how to act, or what to say when supporting someone with an eating disorder

No, you can’t force someone to recover from their eating disorder.  However, no person can or should ever have to recover from an eating disorder without support.

If you are able to provide the right kind of support, it will go along way in helping to ensure that your loved one will recover.

Each person’s eating disorder developed for unique reasons and has unique features, so no two recovery processes will be the same.  However, with some vital information under your belt, you’ll be equipped to provide the best support possible to your loved one in their eating disorder recovery.

6 Tip for Supporting Someone With an Eating Disorder

Just looking at your loved one struggle leaves you feeling helpless. You want to force them to finish that dinner…but should you? How can you get them to stop the self-destructive behaviors? You know you can’t, but you know you have to do something. Keep reading for 6 ways to support your loved one who is struggling with an eating disorder.

#1 Be Willing to Learn & Understand

Let’s face it: one of the reasons you probably feel so helpless watching your loved one struggle with an eating disorder is because you may not understand what’s going on with them. There are a lot of myths and misconceptions about eating disorders.

Educating yourself and learning as much as you can is one of the best ways of supporting someone with an eating disorder.

The more you know, the more you can help.

Eating disorders are very real and very serious mental illnesses with the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.

There is a multitude of resources online, along with several amazing books about eating disorders. The following web sites are good places to start learning:

• http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
• http://www.aedweb.org

#2 Be Willing to Listen

Just as it’s important to seek out information and articles about eating disorders, it’s equally important to learn from the person struggling exactly what they are experiencing. Sometimes would-be supporters are so afraid of saying the wrong thing that they don’t say anything at all. Don’t be afraid to get curious and ask questions.

Even as important is letting your loved one know that you will be them for as unconditional support and as a sounding board, no matter what they are going through. So many times when we hear a loved one in pain, the inclination is to try to problem solve or to “fix it.” However, this isn’t always necessary. Just being available to listen is sometimes the most powerful support you can offer.

#3 Focus on Feelings (Not on Food)

It might seem counterintuitive, but eating disorders are actually not about the food. Rather, they are about the deeper, underlying, difficult emotions that the behaviors around food are attempting to assuage.

The inclination is oftentimes to suggest your loved one “just eat the food,” but unfortunately it’s so much more complicated. Oftentimes commenting on behaviors with food will only create defensiveness and deepen disconnection.

Given this, the best things to do when supporting someone with an eating disorder is to really inquire about how they are feeling. Saying something like: “You don’t seem like yourself. How are you doing?” is a great way to go about this.

Focusing attention away from food and body reinforces the message that there is something so much more important going on with them that you are willing to be a part of.

#4 Establish Boundaries and Check Your Expectations

Supporting someone with an eating disorder can be tricky at times. The eating disorder takes on a very powerful role for those who struggle and they might unintentionally try to draw you into supporting their behaviors. You might be tempted to ignore red flags or be convinced that they “aren’t a big deal.” Make sure that you are firm with your boundaries and what you are willing to tolerate.

Likewise, it’s important to be mindful of your expectations for your loved one’s recovery. As much as you might want them to recover and as helpful and supportive as you may be, they have to truly want to recover and be ready in order for it to work. Eating disorder recovery motivation can be hard to hold onto and there will likely be many ups and downs along the way.

Supporting someone in recovery requires both patience and persistence. The road to getting well may take a long time. Be understanding and supportive. Collaborate with your loved one on how you can best offer your support during difficult or triggering times.

#5 Take an Active Role in Their Treatment

Support from family and friends are an essential ingredient in successful treatment and recovery from an eating disorder. In therapy, your loved one will likely be learning more about their interpersonal relationships and you may notice a shift in how they interact. Thus, it is often crucial to be available for family/support therapy sessions or groups.

In therapy or a treatment program, there should be ample opportunity to join in on therapy sessions to discuss your role and your relationship with the person you are supporting. Be willing and open to engaging in the therapeutic process. Your loved one may have a lot of shame and trepidation asking you to get involved. By offering to take an active role, you can help lessen their fear of imposing.

 #5 Take Care of Yourself, Know Your Limits

Recovery from an eating disorder can be a lengthy and difficult process. As such, supporting another throughout their journey may take its toll on you.

Be mindful of your capacity to be present and supportive and notice if you are feeling resentful or burnt out.

These feelings are totally normal and don’t mean you aren’t good support. They are likely an indication that you would benefit from some of your own support, as well.   You might consider looking into individual or group counseling. There are often support groups designed especially for family and friends of those in eating disorder recovery.

In addition, be sure to engage in adequate self-care. This includes not only getting ample sleep and staying nourished but engaging in your favorite, soul-feeding activities and interests. Without taking care of yourself, there’s no way you can be the kind of support to your loved one that you likely hope to be.

As an eating disorder and body image therapist for nearly a decade, I work with clients at my office in Agoura Hills, CA and provide online therapy in California and New York.  I not only provide individual therapy for those in recovery from an eating disorder but family and support sessions, as well. If you want to learn how I can help you, give me a call now or click on the button below to get in touch to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation.