As an eating disorder therapist, one if the most common things I hear from people is that they struggle with emotional eating.   Most of the time, people think this means that something is terribly wrong with them – that they are weak and lack willpower. This is likely because in our diet-obsessed culture, emotional eating has been vilified as the ultimate enemy.

Through diet culture messaging, we are taught to judge ourselves incredibly harshly when we feel like we’ve eaten too much or eaten something “bad” or “off-limits.” Unfortunately, when you go through life believing this, the judgment can only lead to more self-loathing and shame.

The pretty clear irony to all of this guilt and shame, is that it ultimately causes the cycle of eating emotionally to repeat. Many times, people even seek out different diets or eating plans aimed at warding off emotional eating.

When these diets fail (as all diets eventually do), you can feel like even more of a failure. This is such a helpless place to be.

Perhaps this sounds familiar…

You’ve had a rough day with all the monotony of motherhood – everything from packing lunches, to school drop-offs, and the three year old’s tantrum when his apple was the wrong color.   It’s 9pm and the kids are in bed. The house is finally quiet.

Earlier, you quickly shoved some food in while feeding the kids dinner. Right now you aren’t really hungry, yet that ice cream in the freezer is calling your name. You deserve it – you tell yourself, as you settle in and polish off a big bowl for the fourth time this week.

By the time you’re finished, you’ve eaten two bowls, plus a few brownies. Now you feel uncomfortably full and just so disappointed in yourself. The feelings of shame set in. How did you let this happen again?

Is emotional eating really so bad?

So, here’s the truth: What many people fail to realize is that emotional eating – in and of itself – isn’t really the problem.

Eating to soothe emotions is innately a completely normal activity.

Think about infants seeking a mother’s milk for comfort. From our earliest days we eat for reasons other than merely to satiate physical hunger.

In my work with clients, I try to get them to see what happens if you just create the permission to eat emotionally. It’s amazing what occurs if you merely give yourself permission and alleviate some of the guilt and shame. The reality is that emotional eating has likely only become a problem worth examining if it’s your only coping strategy to deal with life’s challenges

3 Reasons Emotional Eating Isn’t the Enemy You Think It Is

# 1 Emotional eating has probably saved you

So as we talked about earlier, emotional eating has probably played a pretty important role in your life. It’s been a source of comfort when you were sad, a friend when you were lonely, and a reliable companion.

In those moments when you were seeking relief from painful emotions and you turned to food, it was there for you. And in those moments, you may have not had access to a better form of relief – and that’s not your fault. THAT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

The food may have just saved you in those moments.

#2 Emotional eating episodes can give invaluable intel

OK, so if you’ve looked into changing your relationship with food before, you might have heard the saying that “it’s not about the food.” Really, it’s not. The truth is that whatever is playing out with with food, is really indicative of something so much greater going on with you.

Every time you reach for food in the absence of true physical hunger, you’re seeking nourishment in another form. Maybe you need to feel numb from the pain of rejection. Perhaps it’s feeling a general sense of “not good enough” – as a mom, friend, or partner.

The way things are playing out with food is a distraction from something that seems much more difficult to access for one reason or another: the REAL you. That’s where the fun, yet tricky part comes in – of getting to know who that really is.

#3 You can change your habits with emotional eating

We’ve already established that eating for emotional reasons isn’t something that you need to feel compelled to give up immediately or drop entirely. It’s serving an important purpose for you and learning a different method of coping will take time and practice. Emotional eating may be effective, but unfortunately the benefits are short-lived.

However, each episode really gives an opportunity for self-compassion and ultimately self-growth. Here’s how I encourage clients to examine episodes of emotional eating and gently shift their behaviors in another direction:

Step 1: Breathe – If you find yourself habitually heading for the pantry and reaching for that familiar tin of cookies, take a moment to step back, remove yourself from the physical space that you are in, and take a deep breath. If you have made it this far for that moment of pause, you have already come so far.

Step 2: Reflect – Take a moment to think about what is happening for you in that moment. Ask yourself: Am I really physically hungry? Do I really want to eat those cookies? What might have gone on earlier to lead you to where you are standing now?

And here’s where journaling might help: what emotion are you feeling at this moment? If you can sit with that feeling for just a few moments without judgment, you’ve already accomplished so much.

Step 3: Shift – If you’ve gone through the first two steps, you can now take that feeling that you identified in step 2 and think about what – besides food – might meet your need in that moment. Sometimes it can be something simple, like “I feel really lonely, I’m going to call my friend.”

Other times it can be more complicated. Maybe you identified a general feeling of exhaustion or lack of appreciation. Perhaps eating tasty food in these situations is the only way you’ve come to reward yourself. A greater shift might be in order here – like making time to integrate more deliberate self care into your schedule.

If you’re able to practice this approach, you might even find yourself actually looking at your next trigger as an opportunity. Over time, you’ll learn the language of your emotional hunger and how to greater fulfill your needs in an even more satiating way. It’s life-changing process, where your “issues with food” can really be the key to living a more connected and fulfilling life. I’ve help many people on their journeys to make peace with food and their bodies.  To learn how I can help you, give me a call now or click on the button below to get in touch to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation.